This might not be the most interesting post most people will read but to me this blog isn’t just about my favourite beauty products and hauls, it kind of represents a journey? Does that make sense? I don’t know.
I think it’s hard when we live in a society where the first way to judge a person is by how they look, which is of course wrong, but it’s true. From the way a person dresses, their hairstyle and of course their make up says so much about them. I’m not saying its right, in fact it’s probably the worst possible way to judge them.. but we all do it. Whether it is intentional or not.
I started wearing makeup when I was about 14/15 at school, I remember when ever my mum had the AVON catalogue I would sit there flicking through the pages wanting everything. My mum never wore that much makeup when I was growing up but she loved skincare. And to be honest her skin is pretty stunning. She never really encouraged me to wear makeup when I saw my friends were wearing it I wanted to as well. Makeup wasn’t even really allowed at school but you could get away with mascara and foundation and thats when it started. My first ever foundation was one of the colour trend ones from AVON I think the colour was biscuit? It probably was the worst formula ever but I didn’t really care.. I used to wear it every day purely to cover out my acne, which was pretty bad when I was at school. I hated it, I hated the way people would stare and to me it was hard, as I can imagine it is with a lot of people. No matter what I tried my skin was just really bad, it was hormonal and even with trips to the doctors and years of using benzoyl peroxide it never really completely cleared it, and still today I suffer from blemishes and breakouts. I don’t have full on acne anymore which I’m thankful for but my attitude about my skin never really changed.
I hated knowing that people would see me without and coverage so as the years went by and I finished school and moved onto college I started wearing more makeup, at this point again my mum never stopped me although I knew she didn’t particularly like it, especially when I would pluck my eyebrows too much.. At one point she even started calling me Spock.. (FYI If you don’t know who Spock is, now would be a good time to stop reading and Google him). Yes I did over pluck my eyebrows and to be honest I still do. The tweezers hate me. AVON was always my first port of call, every time the catalogue arrived I would always be so excited to get more stuff, whether it be another mascara or another tube of that dreaded colour trend foundation. I don’t actually know when I stopped using that foundation and moved on to my next one but I’m pretty certain I used the natural collection one too, which really wasn’t great either. It just caked your face. Cringe.
I feel like I’m rambling.
What I’m basically trying to get it at is that I started wearing makeup because it changed my appearance, it covered my flaws and made me think that people wouldn’t judge me. But thats not true and I know that now. But as a 14 year old girl in a school of about 1000 other girls not a day went by when there wasn’t some serious bitching. That’s the way it was. From then I guess I’ve always been paranoid about myself and the way I look. For me makeup started as a mask to conceal but as time went by I wanted that to change I wanted to wear makeup but not hide who I was but to express that. I know that sounds like the most cliched thing I could say but I don’t know how else to put it. Instead of looking at the ‘negative’ or flaws that I had I made the active decision to focus on the things that I liked about myself. Having always had long eyelashes I guess mascara became the product that I couldn’t really do without. I started wearing more eye makeup and focusing all my attention on me eyes because to me they’re my best feature. Of course I still wear foundation and concealer but as time has gone by it’s made me realise that I shouldn’t wear these products to hide who I am, I don’t change who I am as a person when I wear makeup it just a small way to define who I am. Which comes to the whole thing about judging people about the way they look. The makeup I wear creates an impression about me. I don’t exactly know what people think when they see me but to be honest I don’t really care. I wear makeup for myself to define what I like about myself.. Of course theres no denying that I probably do look like a zombie without it and concealing my under eye bags and blemish scaring is a part of why I wear it, but I’ve grown to realise that the way I do my makeup is the same way I choose what I’m going to wear. It’s an expression of who I am. The way I do my makeup says something about me. And I can imagine this whole post makes no sense at all.. but what I want to say is that the media always portrays women as these perfect beings with beautiful skin and I know they’re photoshopped – of course they are, but we all get drawn in these adverts no matter what. The way you look with or without make up doesn’t change who you are as a person, yeah it might give you confidence but it doesn’t give you a personality make over. And thats what I’ve come to realise. Whether or not I wear make up it isn’t going to change who I am it just makes me look different. I don’t act differently with or with out, it’s just a habit, it’s a routine than I feel the need to go through in the mornings, because you know what, I enjoy it.
When I started university I think my beauty obsession was in full swing, I liked wearing makeup and to be honest I wear it pretty much every single day. As time went by and I got more into blogging I was finding out about more beauty blogs and Youtubers, so I guess that did encourage me to try out new products and what not. Reading other blogs has really become a fundamental reason for me setting up this blog. It was nice to read stuff and find out about people with similar interests, likes and dislikes. It’s was nice to focus on something that wasn’t totally related to university all the time. It was an interest that made me really question why I wore makeup.. I think I’m rambling again.
To a lot of people this whole post probably just seems crazy and makes no sense but I guess at the end of the day what I’m trying to say is that wear makeup or don’t wear it, it’s up to you. Choose the way you want to look, for yourself and not for other people. You’ll get judged regardless of how you look, theres always someone who will disagree with the way you look but if you spend your whole life trying to impress others and expecting them to act the same way as you, you’ll only end up disappointed. Be who you want to be. Whether you wear makeup or not.
So to answer the question of this post..
I wear it because I want to, not because someone tells me to or I want to look like the woman in the Maybelline advert or because I think I’ll be a different person went I do. It’s just what I like doing. I like waking up and choosing to make my face up. In the same way I stand there deciding what t-shrt to wear I ponder as to whether I want to wear eyeshadow today or not. It’s just who I am. To this day I’m still paranoid about my skin, and I guess I always will be, but I try not let that get in the way. I’ve turned my daily routine of makeup to something that I enjoy rather than a chore or something that I do just to conceal my flaws, because at the end of the day, no one is perfect.
I think now would be a good time to stop writing, I don’t know whether this post makes sense or whether you even got to the end but I hope it was insightful in some way. Maybe. I don’t know. I just realised I’ve written 1362 words. Why wasn’t my dissertation this easy to write?